I have a confession to make.
I'm not an uber-Christian.
Shocked, are you?? Anyone, who knows me well, has stood next to me the grocery line or reads this blog, probably has already figured that out.
But you know what. I wish I was.
I hear about people who spend hours on their knees and have a dynamic prayer life. Or folks traveling around the world on amazing trips to share Jesus with the lost, disenchanted and suffering. Or I watch one of my friends promote her book, her blog, her ministry, her speaking, her godly-womaness-that-I-don't-got online. And I begin to compare.
I don't have a dynamic prayer life. Some days my prayers are non-existent or breaths of "help me, Jesus".
I don't go on trips to save the world. I don't find lost people at the grocery store looking for Jesus...usually they are looking for peanut butter or something much less thrilling.
I fall into the comparison trap a lot. Thinking that my little is little in the eyes of God. That my blog with 2.1 readers; my homeschooling lessons for 2.2 kids (2 kids and .2 dogs really, but hey!); that laundry, sweeping and cooking for my family; and my nearly exhaustive thoughts, research, emailing and planning for the ladies of my community aren't very much.
And yet, lately, there is a theme in what God is teaching me. From the last word in a completed Bible study today, to the pages of a book I am reading at night, to the snippet of an online presentation I watched. My little is little.
(stay with me here)
But God is not little. And when I bloom where He planted me -- in our "classroom" at home, right here on this blog, in my laundry room, at our dining room table, in our kitchen, on our women's ministry leadership team -- my little bitty bloom casts some big seeds.
God hasn't called me to fill stadiums and teach. Or write best sellers or blogs with a massive following. Or, as of yet, bring people to Jesus at the grocery store.
He does want more for me. He always has. (Jeremiah 29, assures us of that) He wants the best of the best for me...the best of me.
And so, does He want me to have a dynamic prayer life...absolutely. He loves me. Why wouldn't He want me to spend time with Him, listen to Him, speak to Him...often, a lot! Does He want me to stop overeating...you bet. He wants to be what I hunger for, what satisfies me. (see Matthew 5:6). I could spend a week listing all that He wants me to be better at or stop or start or you name it.
God totally wants me to be an uber-Christian.
But here's the catch...I need to be the Wendy kind of uber-Christian He formed me to be (Psalm 139:13). To learn the habits that draw me to Him. The habits that will help this little bloom cast seeds only Jesus could carry.
What He doesn't want is for me to run around comparing myself to others. To wish a way the moments He's given me as I long for something else. A bigger following, a larger house, a dynamic career...all those things that look so enticing from this side of my living room window.
Before the world began He had a plan -- a place and calling for the Beths, Lysas, Marks, and Ricks of the worlds. And there was a place and a calling with a little reserved sign on it...until I could take my place there.
What is He calling you to be? Are you so busy being aware of all you're not that you aren't being at all? What habits do you need to break or make so that you can be the bearer of some Jesus-sized seeds?