Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Where Do Your Headlines Point?

From my end table it beckons, "How to Get More Out of Life" the magazine cover shouts. And as though that's not enticing enough the sub-title not only promises more it wants to deliver everything - "Simple steps to good lovin', rock-solid confidence, the perfect outfit, more time for you, and everything else you really want".

I am happy to say I didn't buy the magazine (it was given to me in a stack from a friend), but as I sit next to it every day I've been sucked in. I leaf through the pages looking for the everything. Looking for the secrets of life, love, happiness and having it all. And while I've found great pointers on extending the life of your jeans, great Facebook profile pictures and skin care I have not found anything life altering.

Hmmm...but I know where there are such promises....

"steps to good lovin'" - For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

"rock solid confidence" - So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:6

"the perfect outfit" - ...for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. Galatians 3:27

"more time for you" - you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. (choose) what is better, and it will not be taken away... Luke 10:41, 42

"everything else you really want" - Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

God's truths don't need flashy headlines, empty promises or pictures of perfect people. Instead He plants His words inthe hearts of His children and sends them into the world to be "read" by others. Our lives are the subheads that point others hearts to the main attraction...where do the headlines of your life point?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

A Little Martha in All of Us

She seems to be everywhere the past three weeks. The subject in conference sessions, Bible study lessons, even a random show I caught on late night tv. Martha is everywhere! No, not Martha Stewart, but the first the homemaking, hostess to get our attention...Martha of Bethany.

Do you know her story? I'm sure you've heard snippets, even if you don't know her by name.
She's the gal that had a meltdown at Jesus as her sister, Mary, sat at His feet. You see, she was fed up. Tired of being the only one that did household chores and cooking while her sister seemed to be frittering away her time. She is best known, I suppose, as the woman who missed her moments with Jesus because she was caught up in chores and the day-to-day stuff of life. And Jesus told her Mary had made the right choice. (I'm paraphrasing here.)

Do you remember her now? Have you heard people say you need to strive to be a Mary in a Martha world? Or just not to be Martha? I have, but, perhaps they are missing the bigger picture. I know I was, until this month.

Yes, Martha gets caught up in her own life and kitchen and has to be nudged by Jesus, but do you see how she is open to it? How does the conversation start? In Luke 10 we are there in Martha's home and watch the scene unfold. Martha opens up to Jesus -- she is honest with her feelings. She wants Him to fix it, to be there for her, to understand that it doesn't feel right that she is the only one doing anything.

Do you know how often I'm not honest about how I feel? Even with God? I know I shouldn't feel that way or feel guilty about my feelings? So I don't take them head on or throw them down for God to see? Seriously...God. The God of the universe who knows my every thought, I don't talk to Him about how I feel. Why? I am not completely sure why, I guess it is a control/vulnerability thing. But I do know that it is only when you share your heart...your whole heart...that you reach a level of trust and true growth. And that God can begin to heal.

Fast forward a bit in Martha's life. Her brother, Lazarus, has died and her heart is broken when Jesus does not come to save him. In fact, Jesus shows up after her brother has been in the tomb for four days. Can you imagine her disappointment as she stands there before Jesus?

Where were You? I called out to You! I needed You and You did not come. Has your heart ever cried out to Him like this?

Jesus tells Martha Lazarus will rise again and she acknowledges that yes, death is not the end.

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" John 11:25, 26

Do you believe?

"Yes, Lord," she told him, "I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world." John 11:27

In the midst of her pain, loss and disappointment she nods her head. Yes, she believed. This is the strongest statement of faith by a woman in the Bible.

And so it is in these chapters of Luke and John that I find myself reading, studying and camping in these last couple of weeks. And while I loved the new perspective I couldn't see the application in my life...yet.

I love when He does that. He brings you to what you need before you need it. And while I am not ready to share the trials of my heart this week, I can tell you that God has been showing me Martha for a reason. So that in midst of the heartache and pain for these last few days I can open up to Him, sharing my deepest hurts and anger...so that He can heal it! And allowing me in the midst of the deluge to look up to Heaven and see the Son. (see Son Showers for more on this)

So next time you hear that you shouldn't be a Martha, you can smile and know that there should be a little Martha in all of us.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

He Waits for You

Someone asked me recently, "What would you want them to know?"

We were discussing the two children I placed for adoption in my early twenties. "That I love them," was my immediate response.

With a nod she said, "Of course they'll know that. Just by your sacrifice. They'll know that."

That answer should have given me a warm fuzzy feeling. After all that's what marks the experience of a birthmother, the experience of carrying a baby for nine months and kissing if fair well...giving them up. Sacrifice. Right?

But it didn't.

You see, I want them to know I love them. That a day doesn't go by that they are not in my thoughts and prayers. That everyday there is a hole that only they can fill. That as wonderful as my life is, it will never be complete until I look into their eyes and tell them I love them. That's it, right there...that I can tell them I love them. I wait for the day when our relationship is not defined by any labels, letters or words spoken by others but of moments filled with life lived together. I wait to know their laughter, memorize their smiles and get to know them.

And it occurred to me as I began to ponder the longing and the waiting. That perhaps my experience as a birthmother is not so unlike Jesus's experience of longing and waiting for us.

The stories of His sacrifice are universal, people who don't even "believe" can recite the details of His birth and His death. But He wants more than just a nod at what He gave up for us.

He waits for us to look for Him - - to understand that He is more than any label or book or words spoken by others. He is God. He made your heart and wants to whisper His love to you daily.

I have no idea if (or when) I will get the chance to know my girls, but every day I have the opportunity to lay my heart in the scarred hands of the One who waits for me. The thought that Jesus loves me and longs for me has taken on a whole new meaning in my life as I view it through the lens of my own wanting and waiting for love.

What do you long for? A baby? A husband? A wife? Healing? How does it make you feel to know that there is someone that has that same passion and grief for you? Take a moment today and bask in the love that we so often take for granted. Thank Him for waiting for you.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Got Ministry? Monday!!

One of the highlights of being at She Speaks was listening to all the different ministry ideas. I don't know about you, but I love...LOVE...watching God at work. Especially when He uses our time, talents and passions to change lives. And as I was basking in the post-conference-mountain-top high I began to wonder how we could all see how God is moving.

Thus started Got Ministry? Mondays! Woohoo! I know there are tons of you out there that volunteer, lead, organize, support, pray for, believe in, are dreaming up, etc. all sorts of programs and organizations. Well, here is the place to share them -- details, links, pictures, etc.

Over the past three years I have had the extraordinary pleasure to worship, pray, lead with and learn from Mike Webb. This year as he has stepped out in faith to start a ministry that combines his passion for the outdoors with his passion for teaching people about God.

Psalm 19:1says, "The heavens declare the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork." And Romans 1:20 says, "For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead." Since creation reveals God's attributes and is declaring His glory, we ought to be able to discover and learn all about the God who did the creating. Why, then, do people not "see" or "hear" what creation is revealing?Our purpose is to focus, using a series of Meet Your Maker events, people's attention on the world around them. As they focus, I believe the incredible design features and complexity of the natural world will make it obvious there is a Designer behind it.
As Romans continues, it is up to the individual whether they do anything with that knowledge, "because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened." (1:21).
My purpose has been fulfilled though, in that we helped them meet their maker; we gave them an introduction.Ultimately, I'd like to help answer the question of Psalm 8 for them, "When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, what is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him?" God loves and cares for His crowning creation - man, and has a purpose for each and everyone of us.

If you live in Virginia you should hook up with Mike for hikes, outings (like watching this past week's meteor shower), and camping events. Don't worry, if you don't live in Virginia there are still awesome ways to connect with GOD Endeavors -- their website has great devotionals with Bible driven topics that are reinforced by the very things that God has put around us. Also, this year Mike lead a trip in Arizona, meeting God in the Grand Canyon and other locations.

In the time I have gotten to know Mike and his wife, Valerie, I have admired their faith and willingness to serve. But this year I watched as they stepped out to follow Christ where few are going...into the woods and up the mountains. Are you ready to read the Bible and see how God's very Word unfolds around you?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Saying Goodbye to Someone You've Never Met

Over the past few months I have had the honor of praying Buddy. Buddy is the brother-in-law of my dear friend Lee. Buddy lost his battle with cancer yesterday. And though I never saw his face or shook his hand, I cried...a lot.

I began to wonder how I could feel such pain and loss for a man I'd never met. And as the day unfolded God began to show me what Buddy had done in me and how he had shown God's light into a world that could have stolen his hope and faith.

Through Lee's blog and a facebook page we were given updates on Buddy and all he was doing. Through his treatments (which he took only so he could fight for the ones who love him here) to his everyday life, Buddy's eyes stayed fixed on the cross. He believed God for a cure and knew that Jesus walked with him down cancer road.

After a few weeks of eating, working and living like in what can only be considered a gift of time and grace from God, Buddy's body could not go on. His final moments were spent with his son and wife.

Yesterday afternoon I was laying on my bed working on a Bible study when I felt the undeniable urge to pray for Buddy and his family. To ask God to bring him home and to hold his family's hearts as they say goodbye. Bring him home, Father. My heart cried out for this man's long journey and his family's loss.

The announcement came less than an hour later. Buddy had gone home. And as I cried over my keyboard I asked God why it was effecting me so.

Here's what I could come up with:

First, I've been praying for him. The privilege of speaking to God's heart about someone draws you closer to that person -- even if only in spirit.

Second, Buddy story of faith humbles me and spurs me to grow. Buddy is a faith hero in my little life. To know and love God so much that you can shine His light in the midst of your own dark days is astounding. Buddy's story of strength, love and humor (I remember a story of him wearing a horse hair wig & hat combo to chemo to give others laughs) spoke volumes to those who love God (at least to me), but can you imagine what it said to those who don't. Here's a man who loves this God so much that he can meet cancer head on and still praise Him. Can you imagine?

So today, as Buddy's family begins the leg of this journey of saying their earthly goodbyes, Buddy is in heaven...in that place Jesus prepared for him. He is whole, laughing and worshipping, but I know that he will hear those words..."well done, good and faithful servant" and perhaps Buddy will begin to see how much his journey toward death touched lives.

I want that. I want to be a person who shines so brightly for Jesus that is what people see and remember. Don't you? What opportunities has He laid before you today? In storms or sunny weather; in triumph or trial He has asked us to love so well that all the world knows we are His. Will you?

Monday, August 10, 2009

Unique Enough?

You knew them. Everyone knew them. The girls with the perfect clothes and hair that never caused a morning meltdown as she tried to tame it. The cool boys who laughed with the teachers, led other students on the field or in the halls. The cool kids. The "in" crowd.

Whatever you call them, every school had them. And, oh how I wanted to be them. I spent so much time drooling over and dreaming of their lives. Wishing my closet would suddenly be full of cool clothes. Hoping that today that cute popular boy would notice me. Silently begging that today that that girl would want to be my bestest friend.

That was exhausting, you know? And what's even worse...it never happened. I was always quirky, clumsy Wendy who knew lots of people but called very few "friend". I was different and I hated it.

Flash forward several years and something odd has happened. I fear I'm not different!!

How funny is that? As I sat in a room full of women all running hard after God and answering His call in their life I began to worry. All these women spread out at the tables in the writer's track at She Speaks and we all listened about how hard it is to be published and the hoops you have to jump through to even be considered.

And all I wondered was am I unique enough?

Do I have a something to bring to the table that no one else does?

Coming back home, I began looking around my life. Do I have what it takes to leave a mark for Jesus?

And I found the answer in my own words to someone else at She Speaks! (who knew I was so wise!?!?) We were discussing why people are called to come to the conference and this woman was the 3rd or 4th that told me it, "It sounds cliche, but...". As as she her story unfolded I sat riveted. When she was done I told her that I didn't think it was cliche.

Nothing God does is cliche!

His every breath is unique, creating. He spoke (breathed) our very world into existence. He breathed life into you and me. And every day, as we trudge around lost in our little worlds of traffic, laundry and email He is changing lives, healing hearts, and breathing love.

So, I am unique! And so are you! Where it like a crown, a heavenly crown that the world might see something different in you (that would be Jesus - smiles!).

Friday, August 7, 2009

Friday Funny - Dog Doo Dance

Had a long week? Laugh it off. Enjoy a good belly laugh on me...or in this case at me.

I knew I was taking a chance, but I was too tired to really care. I picked my path carefully through the cool, wet grass. I hadn't "scooped" the back yard today so there were all sorts of land mines hidden in the darkness. If I could just walk him to the other side of the yard the puppy would "go" and I could go back inside to my warm bed. In the dim light I could just make out Triton's (our 12 week old puppy) outline as he sniffed around.

I patted my leg and walked a little faster. My bed and the indent from my head in my pillow were the only things I could think of. My eyelids hung low and were very heavy. Hurry up puppy!!

And then...it happened. I took another step and instead of the early morning dew it was soft and ookie. Yep, I had stepped in "it".

Ugh. The hose is around the side of the house and there are any number of awful surprises lying in the grass between here and there. So what do you do when you step in something awful in the middle of the night? I started wildly scraping and rubbing my foot on the grass. Gagging and whining I danced around the backyard.

Well, I must have looked like I was having fun because Triton decided to join in. Still trying to get my foot clean, I was not prepared for our stronger-than-he-looks pup to grab my nightgown and start pulling.

So there I am, my nightgown stretched to its limits, 2 a.m. in my backyard with dog poop on one foot and all I want to do is scream. As I begin trying to pull my nightgown back (yeah, not a good plan, I know that now!) I forget all about my foot and the grossness that is on my sole and the other piles of ookiness that are hiding in the grass.

I pull. He pulls. I pull. He pulls.

Then I hear what can only be the sounds of seams ripping and I am NOT going to stand in my backyard in my undies with poop on my foot. I'm just not. So I put one foot on the dog and pull with all I have. I won back my nightgown and began to run for the door.

And then, it happened again....

Yep. Other foot. New pile. And as I stand there trying to figure out whether to laugh or cry the puppy grabs my nightgown again. As I reach down to pull him off, I realize it was my icky foot that I held him back with during our tug-o-war. Tears welled up in my eyes and I looked toward the sky...

I laughed so hard I thought I would wake the neighborhood. Who goes through things like this? Just me?

I grabbed the pup's collar and we walked toward the side of the hose, land mines didn't scare me anymore we just had to get clean. And we did.


Just in case my 2 a.m. adventure didn't give you a chuckle I'm going to post a clip from one of my favorite comedians - Brian Regan. Turn up your speakers and enjoy.

He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy. Job 8:21

Thursday, August 6, 2009

My Chips are Enough

Standing at the top of the stairs she was a sight to behold. She had dressed up, not leaving any detail (or square inch) uncovered: plastic yellow high heels; two skirts - a long hot pink one under a short frilly blue one; her sparkly princess t-shirt under a shiny pink tube top looking thing; feather boa; silver jeweled crown and pink fuzzy ski hat.

"Mom, I'm dressed as a princess. I'm going to play. Okay?" My three-year-old daughter proudly announced.

It was almost painful to tell her that we have to leave in a few minutes for my Bible study and there wasn't time to play much.

She tilted her blonde head to the side, catching her hat before it fell off. She was pondering. I knew their was a negotiation in my future. Quick to find a deal for both parties involved Isabel is my negotiator, she would try to strike a deal to get the leopard out of his spots, and I'm sure in the end he'd be happy to be plain however she worked it out.

"How long do we have?" She finally asked. "Less than 10 minutes," I replied.

"10 minutes. I can play for that long." And with that she skipped off down the hallway her curls bouncing and her little heels click-clacking all the way.

I laughed as I walked back to the kitchen. Funny how I thought ten minutes wasn't enough to get started and she'll have created and lived in a whole imaginary world in that time. I want to learn to be like that, where every breath is a blessing and every detail God plants around us is a delight be it a butterfly, Popsicle or the princess phone stuck between the couch cushions that had been given up for lost.

Lessons I learn from my three-year-old.

Yesterday there was a group of neighborhood kids eating chips on our front porch. One of the girls thought she heard the ice cream truck and became very excited. When the UPS truck appeared she was heartsick that there was no creamy treat in her near future. She whined and whined over and over again. "I want ice cream."

Isabel, mouth full of chips, mumbled, "I don't need ice cream, I have chips and that makes me happy." I was awe struck. She is thankful for what she has and that is enough for her.

Oh, how I want to practice that daily. Instead of returning home from a friend's house and wishing my carpet wasn't green (oh we're talking GREEN ya'll) or my furniture wasn't second hand. Instead of looking at the trendy outfits of the sweet women around me at She Speaks, see my clothes as good enough and focus on the real beauty of their hearts.

Sigh. Lessons from my three-year-old.

One of my favorite verses is actually right before one that we all memorize. You know "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" or some similar wording, right? Empowering and a good mantra to chant when you are facing those last ten minutes of a workout and your legs say no.

But have you ever gone one verse before that? Do you know what it is about? Contentment. Taking your ten minutes and living them fully. Being happy with your chips, your sofa, or even your circumstance. Knowing that God is enough for every moment.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Philippians 4:12
For today, I'll follow my three-year-old's example (at least in this, hopefully not in the hissy fits that find her face down on the kitchen floor...but I'll keep ya posted!). I'll smile at the portion God has given me and thank Him for my ugly green carpet.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Let the Wringing Begin

Last year God met me in a hotel in North Carolina, not to teach me of ministry or speaking, but to heal my heart. He used the work of others and some of His gentle daughters to touch my heart and to begin lifting me out of the well of Postpartum Depression.

When I returned home after last year's conference the dark clouds that had hung over my head and heart for a year (almost) were gone. I greeted my husband and children as a smiling, happy woman; something I hadn't been able to be or find since before the birth of my son.

Returning to She Speaks this year I had no idea, I mean NO idea, what I was there for. Weird to answer a call to do something and have no inclination as to why. I told Lysa on Friday night at the little bloggy get together that I came as a sponge and God would do the wringing out later.

I had no idea the wringing had already begun or just how painful it would become.

Friday afternoon I visited the prayer room. What an awesome (in the true sense of the word) place that is. God meets you in there. It is as though Luann and her team had created a place for Him to dwell and beckon you in. And there, waiting for you on the tables, is a God-sized message on a tiny slip of paper.

Each woman from the conference has a slip of paper with her name on it. The P31 team prays, and prays, over the names. Then with prayer again they ask God where to set the names down. On three tables in the room there are large sheets of paper, each one with a name for God on it. Being God's hands they lay the names around the papers....right where God wants them.

When I found my name I thought my knees were going to fall out from under me. Here is what I found:

Jehovah - Rapha
The Lord Who Heals
God has provided the final cure for spiritual,
physical and emotional sickness in Jesus Christ, God can heal us

My God who met me in that very building last year reached down from Heaven and kissed my cheek.

I was so excited I called my husband, I sought out some P31 team members, and even told perfect strangers. I had no idea God wasn't done whispering to my heart yet.

As the weekend went on and I moved from one session about writing to the next the direction God was pushing me in was becoming more clear. And the more God showed me that He wants me to write about being a birthmother the more I resisted him. I'll be honest, I don't want to. I know that writing about my unexpected pregnancies, handing my child to another woman to raise, and the days since then I will face rejection, judgment and vulnerability that I know I cannot handle.

And slowly God started whispering to my heart, again.

I am the Lord who heals. Let me have those dark places. Let me heal your heart and use it to heal others. Wendy, don't let her walk alone.

I don't want her to walk alone. That woman who thinks the grief will kill her after saying goodbye to her baby. That sweet young girl who is sitting in an abortion clinic thinking this is the "easy" way out of her troubles. The young woman who just figured out a little plastic stick can change your life in an instant.

Father, You promise to heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds. And how I cling to that promise today as the tears roll down my cheeks. I am scared and hurting, but I know others hurt worse and have so much more to fear. I thank you turning my ashes into beauty and my pain into light. Help me Father...I can't do this. Only you can.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

She Laughs

I opened my hotel room door, ready to dart over to the elevator. Sure that I could sneak down to grab some breakfast at the buffet in the hotel and then return to the room to get ready for the opening day of the conference. As the door clicked shut behind me a tall, lovely woman began waving at me from the elevator.

"Oh man!" was all I could think. As I walked closer she came to introduce herself, but I knew who she was. It was Shari Braendel. Now friends, I won Shari's book "If Clothes Could Talk" of my sweet friend Rachel's blog a few months ago. Shari is the fashion guru! I've never met her face-to-face.

So there I stand in my baggy sweats, over-sized t-shirt and flip-flops...no make-up, no nothing. Seriously! I was blessed by her hug and how if she noticed my look she was kind enough to not mention it.

Later that day when I told Rachel about it she laughed and said, "She was probably thinking OH I am so glad she won my book. She So needs it!"

He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy. Job 8:21

I had the lovely opportunity to room with my friend Susan who I met last year at She Speaks. She is from South Carolina and has the thickest (and highly entertaining) twang and just the dearest little heart. Well our neighbor in the hotel happened to be my roommate from SS last year, Lee. Lee's laughter is contagious and she just seems like the big sister I never had, but always needed.

So Friday morning we had a little reunion in our hotel room. The hugs were full and lingering and the laughter was loud and often.

At one point, Susan decide to use her camera to take our picture. The first attempt was her holding the camera at arm's length. It was a cute picture of Susan and I am sure Lee and I looked great, except all you could see of us was my left eye and Lee's hair. Oops.

So onto the self-timer option. LOL! Well, I am not sure how many pictures Susan took that way, but I can tell you most of them had us laughing, eyes closed and in one Susan was getting up to check the camera. We laughed so hard that I know they could hear us in the hallway. It was great.

Let me tell you, last year I was blessed with a handful of friends that I have kept and loved all year long. This year I was surround by more lovely women and I can imagine that next year's reunion will be even bigger. God teaches us so much through She Speaks, but one of His greatest gifts is the friendships He hides in the elevators, hallways, even the restrooms for us to find along the way.

***More She Speaks highlights tomorrow. Come back and here about my amazing Prayer Room experience.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Heavenly Road Signs

"In 100 yards, turn left. Then make an immediate left. And make an immediate left."

Um? I couldn't have heard that right.

"In 100 yards, turn left. Then make an immediate left. And make an immediate left," she said again.

What? The calm, computerized voice of my GPS was asking me to turn around. Seriously? In a moment of panic (what exit is it??) I flipped the GPS on to show me the way home from Charlotte yesterday. I was tired and busy wrestling with God, afraid I'd miss where I was going I thought a co-pilot would be good.

Then my co-pilot lost her mind. First sign of trouble, that computer had me headed west. Funny, when I left home last Thursday Virginia was north of North Carolina. Second sign of trouble, the request for three immediate left turns on a divided highway. Donuts?? I think the NC humidity and frizzed her little wires; she wanted me to do donuts on a divided highway.

I was beginning to get extremely anxious. "I just wanna go home!" I was whining out loud.

Barreling down the road I was almost in tears. I had to get back to 85 -- wherever that was from here. And point my little silver van in the direction of Virginia -- hopefully that was still north. I crested a small hill as my blood pressure was skyrocketing and my heart beating in my ears...meltdown was coming.

Then a small little yellow sign on the side of the road caught my eye. There among the overgrown weeds and discarded junk was a new shiny little sign.

"You Need Jesus"

Who says God doesn't give you road signs? Huh?

I laughed out loud and began to pray. Oh Father, I hear You. Help me. Please. I am lost without You, even with computer guidance.

Within a few minutes there was a sign for 29 North. I followed it and that in turn brought me back to 85 North.

Oh how pleased I was to be back amongst the trucks and wide lanes. With the music blaring I was singing and dancing and just driving along. Going over the events of the weekend, God began to remind me that we have unfinished business.

I know, Father. I know what you want of me, but I can't.

No answer.

I don't want to write that...don't want to splay open my heart for others to judge me. I don't want to be rejected for my story of failure and loss -- haven't I had that enough?

No response.

Father, I don't want to. But if it is what you want... (I began to cry, again) I will.

Suddenly my rear view mirror was filled with the front grill of this semi that apparently thought I should move. And in the breath before I got angry and told the truck driver off, I saw the sign. To the left of the license plate hung a red and white sign written backward so I could read it in the mirror.

"Jesus Loves You"

I love You too. I'm scared and nervous, but I'm ready.

***I will share my AWESOME She Speaks moment tomorrow and Wednesday. If you went, please leave a link to yours...I'd love to hear about them.