I knew I was taking a chance, but I was too tired to really care. I picked my path carefully through the cool, wet grass. I hadn't "scooped" the back yard today so there were all sorts of land mines hidden in the darkness. If I could just walk him to the other side of the yard the puppy would "go" and I could go back inside to my warm bed. In the dim light I could just make out Triton's (our 12 week old puppy) outline as he sniffed around.
I patted my leg and walked a little faster. My bed and the indent from my head in my pillow were the only things I could think of. My eyelids hung low and were very heavy. Hurry up puppy!!
And then...it happened. I took another step and instead of the early morning dew it was soft and ookie. Yep, I had stepped in "it".
Ugh. The hose is around the side of the house and there are any number of awful surprises lying in the grass between here and there. So what do you do when you step in something awful in the middle of the night? I started wildly scraping and rubbing my foot on the grass. Gagging and whining I danced around the backyard.
Well, I must have looked like I was having fun because Triton decided to join in. Still trying to get my foot clean, I was not prepared for our stronger-than-he-looks pup to grab my nightgown and start pulling.
So there I am, my nightgown stretched to its limits, 2 a.m. in my backyard with dog poop on one foot and all I want to do is scream. As I begin trying to pull my nightgown back (yeah, not a good plan, I know that now!) I forget all about my foot and the grossness that is on my sole and the other piles of ookiness that are hiding in the grass.
I pull. He pulls. I pull. He pulls.
Then I hear what can only be the sounds of seams ripping and I am NOT going to stand in my backyard in my undies with poop on my foot. I'm just not. So I put one foot on the dog and pull with all I have. I won back my nightgown and began to run for the door.
And then, it happened again....
Yep. Other foot. New pile. And as I stand there trying to figure out whether to laugh or cry the puppy grabs my nightgown again. As I reach down to pull him off, I realize it was my icky foot that I held him back with during our tug-o-war. Tears welled up in my eyes and I looked toward the sky...
I laughed so hard I thought I would wake the neighborhood. Who goes through things like this? Just me?
I grabbed the pup's collar and we walked toward the side of the hose, land mines didn't scare me anymore we just had to get clean. And we did.
Just in case my 2 a.m. adventure didn't give you a chuckle I'm going to post a clip from one of my favorite comedians - Brian Regan. Turn up your speakers and enjoy.
He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy. Job 8:21