For those that are participating in the study, please stick around. While the book is the catalyst for this post it is interesting how God brings things out in these posts. I hope to continue to have something for everyone and to hear your thoughts and insights.
For those who are doing the study, welcome! I can't wait to hear what you are thinking of the book and how God is moving in your heart and world right now.
For those who want to join us, hop on over to Lelia's blog and get the low down. Just hit the cute little Yes to God button on the left!
And now, as they say...on with the show!
Simply walking through the darkest time of any one's life is difficult. And reading Micca's thoughts and feeling as she became a young mother and widow was heart wrenching. Truly heart wrenching.
I read, last night, in A New Song (one of the Mitford series books) that that's what hearts are for a little wrenching once in a while. And I suppose that's true.
Right after Isabel, my daughter, was born I had awful fears at night that I would lose her. In the mornings I feared that something would happen to William and I'd lose him. The fears became almost paralyzing. Have you ever been there? Have your fears just stopped you in your tracks? And while I prayed that God would ease my fears, but I wasn't relinquishing them to Him.
Then in one of my sleepless nights I read the LIFE story of a friend of mine from church, Nancy. Nancy's teenage daughter had been killed a few years ago and she talked about what it was like to give your child back to God. That they are never really ours to begin with. And as I read, and cried, I began to let go. I began to understand. I have been blessed -- I was able to carry and hold two daughters that are placed with their families, I fell in love with a godly man (a gorgeous, godly man), and we were blessed with a daughter (and a son later). Every day I am granted with those I love is a gift and God has entrusted me their earthly care. A valuable lesson for a new mom to learn. Don't you think?
As I came into our office/study this evening to watch a movie with the kids and write my blog while my husband's Bible study meets downstairs my cell phone rang. It was my dad. And when I said hello I heard the tone of his voice. You know, that tone that says this is not a social call...something is wrong. They have rushed my aunt to the emergency room this evening. I don't feel at liberty to share her health details with you, but I can ask you to pray. As soon as I got off the phone with my dad that fear seized me.
That darn, what if question. That just throws the door to vivid imaginings that get me entangled in fear and doubt. Why do I do that?
Well, by the time I turned around to tell my husband, tears flowing, God shut the "what if" door. And I remember the passage from Micca's book that nearly took my breath away. Not nearly, it did.
"Just as a mother runs to her screaming child who is in pain, God the Father ran to me, His child." (she was crying out in pain asking why God took her husband from her)
My aunt is 3000 miles away and I cannot be there to pace the ER waiting room or to hold my Grandfather's hands as he waits for his phone to ring with answers. I won't be able to look at the doctor's face or touch Kriss's cheek to comfort her. But God will. He is. And at the same time, He touched my cheek and somewhere in my heart whispered...I am.
Whomp! The "what if" door slammed shut. What if? Then God. (anyone done the Beth Moore Esther study yet?).
Again. What if? Then God. Whatever happens, real or imagined God is there and He is in control. I'm not....and I am thankful for that.
In truth, I don't know how I would have handled tonight's dawning family crisis had I not just read this chapter. WOW! How about God's timing, huh? I only hope we don't have real world practice sessions every time I sit down to write my blog.